She’s a little bit of sunshine
She’s a smile to light our days
She will steal our hearts and keep them
With her warm endearing ways…
She is our precious little daughter
With a sweetness from above
Who will fill our years with laughter
And our lives with lots of love
It’s been almost 2 months since I became Papa. Today, I sit to reflect on the changes I have gone through since then and what lies ahead. Has Life really changed ever since I became Papa? I continue to struggle with my career woes, neither the daily nuances of life seem to get better, lot of gray areas remains in personal and professional spheres to be improved on. Irrespective of all these vexations of life, there is something and for sure that altered after I became Father and that for good. I however find it difficult to express in words.
A mere thought of my little angel makes me feel happy. I picture her, moving her two little hands continuously, throwing her two little legs effortlessly, her often smiling and often crying face while she is asleep, or when she is hungry or when she pees, and I start smiling wherever I am, I start feeling good. I often think of my baby (or see her pics in mobile) when I feel low and need motivation. It works surprisingly for me as if some motivation waves start running through my veins and I start feeling gladder. My baby is an absolute bliss, extreme joy and seeing her smiling face can wipe away worries of the world in an instant. It is difficult to stay away from you Beta and your Mom. Love you and Miss you both…
I was not ready for parenting……
Believe it or not, I was not ready for Parenting at this stage of life when I am yet to settle down in my career, am not sure where I will settle, with no home zero property status currently, when I am undergoing financial havoc repaying Educational Loan dues I had taken for my studies abroad and at this age when I am not even 30. Probably I was afraid of the extra responsibility and the financial burden which would come ahead. I feared if I would be able to fulfill my pending career aspirations.
I remember, I used to tell my wife “Yaar, itni jaldi kya hai, lets enjoy for few more years…..” . She however insisted on having a child and so did my Parents and family. In our part of the world, society would start assuming different things if a couple does not have baby after 1 or 2 years of marriage and the onus would mostly fall on the bride (typical small town mentality…). My wife wanted a baby and I could not see her in distraught for a single moment. For her sake and for my Parents, I decided to give it a GO.
My silly talks….
During Wifey’s intial pregnancy days, I used to say “I feel jealous of the baby inside ….once he/she comes you would give more time to him/her, you would love me less……bla blah ….”. I recall of those days today and think how foolish I was to say those words. Today, it is me who scold/ask Rani (my wife) to feed her and look after her each and every single moment, “no phone calls to me, just look after her”.
You are instantly a MOM ………..but you become a FATHER
I thank Rani for the precious and the beautiful gift she has enriched our family with, for the unbearable pain she has gone through in the labor room, for all the care she has taken for herself and for the baby. My dear wifey, I thank you from the core of my heart for everything you have given to me and will continue to give for life…I love you so much. I am a proud husband for what you are.
“It is much easier to become a Father than to be one” ……. Kent Nerburn
Being the youngest of all siblings, I was the most pampered child in family. I was most reluctant to take responsibility for any house-hold work. I grew up as a shy and largely an introvert person (… an altogether different story, would take this up in a different blog piece). Whenever it came to taking responsibility in the past, I faltered on most occasions.
Life now brings me into a stage when I have a bigger responsibility of bringing up my kid, giving her the best she deserves like every precious child on earth, like I received from my Parents. In this regard, who best can be my role model than my own PAPA.
Papa, when I became Papa…..
I look back and see, you fulfilled my every single, smallest and the biggest of desires, you gave me love and affection, the best food, the best education I was capable of, irrespective of the financial limitation you had in bringing up the big joint family. I remember you borrowing money on interest to pay my engineering semester fees. When I expressed my desire to study abroad you did not say no even then, for you knew, it was my long time dream, you put up all your savings as collateral to fetch me the loan. I simply adore you and in you, I see my GOD.
Papa Jee, you along with Mommy are my GOD and I have always been praying you before I do to any other deity. At this stage of life when I have become Papa, I seek your blessings and the inner strength to discharge my duties, like you did.
I recall of the moment when I took my baby in my lap for the first time. It was a feeling like never before, an intense emotional moment, I kept looking at her for minutes, tears coming down my cheek like never before, I was in bliss like never ever before. I look forward to all my responsibilities as a Son, a Father, a husband. I strongly believe I can fulfill my aspirations in personal and professional life even after being a father with increased determination and will power.
My angel is called SANSKRITI meaning – the Culture (Courtesy: Rabindra Bhaia). Beta, having you in our lives is an extreme bliss. Life has certainly become more meaningful and more purposeful. You make our family a complete one.
With Lots of Love and blessings to my angel
Best of Regards to my Dearest Parents
and Love to my Sweetheart
Sunday, 14 October 2012: 12:50 am
P.S. I start blogging hereafter….