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Three biggest reasons that is keeping you away from realizing your most vivid and grandest dreams…..
I hope this post finds you in the best of your health. Friends, I thank you and value you for reading and sharing my earlier posts on different forums and for receiving such an over-whelming response in the past few weeks. My today’s blog is inspired from the 2012 interview of Oprah Winfrey with senior Pastor, Dr. Rick Warren in Oprah’s Life-class and the series of related articles that I read thereafter. Author of the international best -selling ‘The purpose driven Life’, Dr. Warren after his in-depth analysis of over ten years opines that two biggest reasons most people do not fulfill their purpose in life are ‘envy’ and ‘people-pleasing’. In my post today, I have added a third reason ‘jealousy’ which is very close to ‘envy’ though carries a hair-line difference.
Introducing the Evil trio of Jealousy, Envy and People-Pleasing:
As I take you deep into the topic, let me acknowledge right here that none of us are perfect. We human beings are all work in progress and will be considered as a complete product in the last few days of our Life or may be after we are gone and which is so dependent on the quality of lives we live, the legacy we leave to the world. Now it is up to us what kind of product we want to become, whether we die as an unfinished, incomplete product by living an unfulfilled life, becoming a crowd person or listening to our inner-self, rising to our calling and potential. When it comes to jealousy, envy, and people-pleasing, each one of us has or had varying degree of these characteristics within us.
In this blog, I take a holistic and most practical approach to dealing with these poisonous triplets. I have considered both sides of the equation. The change always start from within. I have illustrated ways and methods as to how we ourselves can stay away from being jealous, envious, and the trap of people-pleasing mindset and at the same time how to deal with people overflowing with such negative emotions. I hope you will like my humble effort in which I invested my entire day today 🙂
What is Jealousy?
In the words of Wikipedia, “Jealousy is an emotion, and the word typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of great personal value. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness and disgust” In simple words, I would say it’s a feeling of resentment against someone because of that person’s rivalry, success, achievement, advantages; and in some cases their prosperity, happiness and even material possessions triggers jealousy.
How not to be jealous:
Friends, as I said earlier, change always starts from within. Jealousy often comes from counting others blessing instead of our own. We must understand it well that someone else’ victory is not our defeat. Self-awareness is the first step to stop being jealous of other’s success. Do some self-talk and identify the situations, the circumstances that are triggering the feeling of jealousy within you. I would personally suggest jotting them down on a piece of paper. Jealousy is often a by-product of insecurity, fear and low self-worth. The second step would be to build up your self-confidence. On multiple occasions I have observed people who are jealous of others lack self-confidence. Sometimes they may seem confident with their critical words but in reality they are hollow from inside. So friends, please build up your confidence. This will help you feel good about yourself and when you feel good about yourself, it’s most certain that you will feel good for and about others. Third step would be to stop comparing yourself to others. This is also a key to happiness.
Famous American Author, Theodore Roosevelt, once said ‘Comparison is the thief of all Joy’. Further, comparing yourself to others in the wrong spirit is an insult to your own individual being. Comparison also reduces your confidence level. Author of ‘Mind Power’, Stephen Richards says it so well “stop comparing yourself with others. If they are good at something, you too are good at something else. Self-confidence is not measure by your own capabilities versus that of others, but by your own needs.” Friends I say this with huge emphasis, please, please stop comparing yourself to others. Along with the above three step process, always be trusting and optimistic about people.
Dealing with Jealous people:
The trick is never spending your time and energy in thinking about and reacting to jealous and envious people because every moment wasted in doing so is a moment away from realizing your grandest dreams. In the words of a wise man ‘Never hate people who are jealous of you, but respect their jealousy because they are the ones who think that you are better than them’ Well said Sir!. I cannot agree more.
Famous American Philosopher William Penn has said “Jealous and envious people are troublesome to others but a torment to themselves.” Friends, the point I want to illustrate here is Jealous and Envious people are self-destructive. These people are also sometimes called the ‘Critics’ or ‘Naysayers’. Instead of focusing on their own self-growth, they focus on ways to bring others down. I would like to remind you here that the people who are trying to bring you down are already below you. They try to tarnish your image by spreading rumors and false news. I had shared my thoughts on dealing with Critics in one of my earlier blogs, you may read it here: Don’t Let others pull you down ; such people hate the things they can’t have and the people they can’t be. So, never ever worry about those who talk behind your back, they are behind you for a reason.
Jealousy vs Envy:
The words Jealousy and Envy are often used meaning the same however there is a slight difference between the two. Jealousy occurs when something we already possess (like position, power, usually used person specific) is threatened by a third person. Envy is a reaction to lacking something whereas Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something (usually someone). Well, in my today’s writing I am not focusing on the relationship angle. If you understand and apply the principles and techniques written here, it will help you improve in each area of your life, you will be able to tackle any kind of adversity.
What is Envy?
Dr. Warren says “Envy is ‘I must be like you to be happy,’ I’ve got to look like you, I’ve got to have your money, I’ve got to have your kids, your family, your husband.’ That’s envy”. Envy is said to be one of the seven deadly sins. It is a fatal and disastrous poison which spoils the soul. Grammatically, the words ‘envy’ is both a noun and a verb. Web Dictionary defines the noun ‘Envy’ as ‘a feeling of discontent, covetousness, or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities or luck’ whereas verb ‘envy’ means ‘the desire to have a quality, possession, or other desirable attribute belonging to someone else.’ Wikipedia cites ‘Envy’ as “an emotion when a person lacks another’s superior quality, achievement or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it.” Famous British Philosopher, Bertrand Russell said that envy is one of the most potent causes of unhappiness.
Dealing with Envy:
Famed Russian Poet, Yevgeniy Yevtushenko once said “Envy is an insult to oneself”. Friends, people will talk about you when they envy you and the superior life you lead. Let them do so. You affected their Life. Don’t let them affect yours. Blowing out the other person’s candle will not make you shine brighter. So don’t envy anyone and also blindly ignore the people who envy you for it is the mere waste of time and energy thinking about such negative people. My favorite Philosopher, Ralph Waldo Emerson said “Envy is the tax which all distinction must pay”. Just think that if someone envies you, criticizes you; you are on the right path.
Illustrious Greek playwright, dramatist and author of ‘The Serpent Son’ says “It’s in the character of a very few men to honor without envy(ing) a friend who has prospered.” So Friends, be those rare and uncommon human beings who don’t and never envy any other person. Also there is least you can do to people who envy you. Let them, but you be on the right side. You may think the grass is greener on the other side but if you take time to water your own grass it would be just as green. Please understand that envy is a kind of illusion when something good happens to someone else, it takes nothing, absolutely NOTHING away from you. Then why Envy?? Think of the extra-ordinary possibilities and happiness that would come your way if you lead an envy-free life. With envy out of the way you will have more and more room for your own greatness.
What is People Pleasing?
“People-pleasing is ‘I must be liked by you to be happy. And unless you like me, I can’t be happy.’ says Dr. Warren. People-pleasers want everyone around them to be happy and they will do whatever is asked them to. Earlier, I myself used to be a people pleaser. I would say ‘yes’ to anything and everything to one and all whether it robs me of my precious time. I would put everyone else before myself. I used to think, I need to be needed by others to be liked. I feared if I don’t make everyone happy and be part of the crowd, I may be dis-liked and cut from the group. This was certainly making me feel guilty, lack of confidence and very unhappy.
Friends, come out of the mindset of being liked by everyone:
Men’s most innate need is to be liked and appreciated by others. A year ago when I used to share my blogs on social platforms like Facebook and Twitter, I used to think “I will be happy by the number of ‘likes’ I receive.” Every now and then I used to log in and see the number of likes I have got or the complements I received. I used to get dis-heartened with the fewer responses. I am glad that today with better awareness and a changed mindset, such things don’t matter to me (at all). I share my blogs to be read and spread my message of positivity and hope in my constant endeavor to make our earth a happier and better place to live. I give my best and that is all I can do. So it really doesn’t matter whether you like my posts or not. I am happy and proud to be myself. I don’t need and care for anyone’s approval to be happy and same applies for you.
Dealing with People-pleasing mindset:
Friends, the simple and plain truth is you cannot please everyone. You must realize that you have a choice. You must set your priorities and learn to say NO most humbly. Remember the simple mantra that ‘people who mind don’t matter and the people who matter don’t mind’. I will give you a live example what happened a couple of days ago. A gentle man called me on my cellphone thrice in quick succession. I was on some other duty and had left my cellphone on work desk. And most honestly I mention, I am not so obsessive about carrying these devices every now and then with me. After a couple of hours when I saw the missed calls, I called the person back twice, each time to be disconnected by him. It may be possible he might be busy but he never called back. I left at that. This gentleman is an elderly slacker who is far away from being a role model for even a single person on earth, even his own children. Well, my intention is not to say ill of anyone but illustrate that only slackers and naysayers would mind minor things as such. I most humbly don’t care about such people.
Bringing out the best in you: the story of two wolves
Before I wrap up, I live you with this incredible story of the two “wolves” living inside all of us. This will further in conjunction with the ideas shared above will help to bring out the best in you. These two wolves are constantly in fight with each other. The first wolf is called ‘Evil’. It’s a combination of greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, ego, bitterness, hatred, arrogance, vengeance, rage, atrocity, barbarity, and in-authenticity. The second wolf is called ‘Good’. It is a mix of joy, peace, love, hope, compassion, honesty, humility, authenticity, gratefulness, kindness, empathy, and happiness. To the question of “Which wolf wins among the two?” reply would be ‘The one which you feed the most will win.’ This is so very true.
Friends, it is up to us, what kind of people we are surrounding us with, what kind of books we are reading, what kind of programs we are watching, and what kind of habits we are sticking to. You may remember the acronym ‘GIGO’ which refers to ‘Garbage in Garbage out’, the same acronym also stands for ‘Good in Good out’. So if you are feeding yourself with negative thoughts by doing all negative things mentioned above, you will bleed negativity whereas if you feed your mind with positive thoughts, surround yourself with positive people you will get positive outcomes and in the process march towards realizing your dreams.
Eminent Author and Speaker, Les Brown says “Drop jealousy and envy for they make you ugly. Be loving, be accepting, and most of all be happy just the way you are.” Dr. Warren says “if I have to be like you or I have to be liked by you, those two things will cause you to miss God’s purpose for your life.” Envy and jealousy are the religion of the mediocre. Stay away from such negative emotions forever. You will be a lot happier, healthier and successful.
I most sincerely hope this blog adds value and helps you to change the way you think, behave and act in the most positive way. I wish you all success and happiness in Life that you would wish for yourself. May you fulfill all your dreams in your path to greatness. Remember, don’t be jealous, and never be envious to anyone, be content and happy with what you have, ignore and forgive the people who are jealous and envious of you; don’t intend to become a people-pleaser at the cost of your own happiness. If you grasp these three things deep within you, it’s most certain you will realize all your dreams.
With Lots of Gratitude for reading me,
As always, My Best Wishes,